Life hack: put on "Best I Ever Had" at the gym and pretend Drake is talking about you
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) March 16, 2015
St. Patrick somehow managed to ban all snakes from Ireland but his legacy couldn't manage to ban drunken lunatics from the streets
— Rachel Syme (@rachsyme) March 17, 2015
Every day is St. Patrick's Day when you're Russian.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) March 17, 2015
~ an autobiography
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) March 17, 2015
My toddler threw a fit so I rolled my eyes, collapsed on the couch, sighed heavily then asked, "why are you so dramatic about everything?"
— Misstlovestrinkets (@mstluvstrinkets) March 16, 2015
Ordered an "I'd Rather Be DRIVING" license plate frame for those times I'm feeling passive-aggressive about traffic.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) March 17, 2015
at a starbucks this am and heartened by how many people are talking about race in america.
just kidding, everyone’s wearing earbuds.
— alyssa bereznak (@alyssabereznak) March 19, 2015
Crescent rolls are a very bad excuse for croissants
— Erin Kim (@erinykim) March 19, 2015
I'd like to FaceTime with some pizza.
— Brunette Bombshell (@Jazzzzzmina) March 18, 2015
Reach for your computer charger.
Even if you miss, you'll land among the pita chips you dropped last night & hair ties you thought you lost.
— Colette McIntyre (@calledcolette) March 19, 2015
Doing the Irish exit at a St Paddys party feels respectful
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) March 18, 2015
Just saw the hardest dude tap a cherry chapstick to his upper lip 500 times as he walked past
— Chelsea Peretti (@ChelseaVPeretti) March 16, 2015
I'm glad my boss can finally laugh at herself. Its been kinda uncomfortable for the rest of us, who have been laughing at her the whole time
— Angie (@angeliav68) March 13, 2015
still haven't fully unpacked from a trip i took in 2009
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) March 19, 2015
Just found out there's a bug called the tarantula hawk wasp and I'm like holy shit maybe just pick one terrifying predator to name it after.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 20, 2015
There should be a word for the specific type of anxiety I feel when I see someone wearing Uggs in the rain.
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) March 15, 2015
What if we made a candy that's like a blob half chicken half couch
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) March 19, 2015
I would describe my fashion style as "Disney ready" and that's before I put the fanny pack on
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) March 20, 2015
*backflips out of bushes*
can I pet your dog
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 18, 2015
I just learned "Gilmore Girls" is called "My Mom Is My Friend" is Italy
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) March 20, 2015
whenever my parents ask me a question i'm like maybe if you checked the FAQ page on my blog first this wouldn't be an issue
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) March 20, 2015