Deb Baer: Why I'm So Angry About Jodie Foster's Coming Out Speech

So Jodie Foster finally admits she's gay (though she never actually said the word) at The Golden Globes and, of course, her worst nightmare is coming true. A bazillion articles like this one, dissecting her private life and proselytizing about her bizarre speech. Well, too f***ing bad, Jodie! There wouldn't have been any articles if you'd just been brave enough to come out a long time ago, like the rest of us.



I mean, is it 1996? Jodie's defensive speech, blaming Honey Boo Boo and reality TV for her silence, harkened back to a time when it was a big deal to proclaim your sexual orientation. Hello! It's 2013! People are getting gay-married and homos can be in the army and stuff! But she wouldn't know that because she's been so deeply entrenched in the closet, she's like Encino Man (that reference is as dated as Jodie's thinking about this topic).



Why am I so angry? Because I'm roughly the same age as Jodie, and yet I had the courage to come out exactly 20 years ago. This was before Glee and Modern Family and Will and Grace -- and even Ellen DeGeneres' historical and culture-changing pronouncement. I, and so very many others, took a leap of faith and dealt with the consequences. Sure, I wasn't worried about losing $20 million a picture, but it's all relative. I feared that family and friends would abandon me, I'd get passed over for jobs/promotions, violence, all the cliché's from an after school special.



And by the way, some of that stuff happened. And by the way, I'm still dealing with consequences, as I re-came out to family and friends as transgender last year. I could have sat back and just been a socially accepted gay. But it's not what I am, so I'm back to being considered a freak to most of the population again. But I'm dealing with it. Every single day.



Back to Jodie. She blamed remaining in the closet publicly all these years -- even with a long-term partner and two children -- on that whiny excuse so many celebrities use called "privacy." Sorry, but there are a lot of "private" stars who don't do a lot of press and don't talk about their personal lives, like Daniel Day Lewis or Johnny Depp. But we know basic facts about them, such as who they are married to. The "privacy" excuse is just that, an excuse.



Nobody was asking Jodie to be President of the Gay People, should she have come out earlier. Ellen is a great example of someone who came out, had no interest in being the poster child, and is just living her life honestly and openly. Occasionally she fights publicly for an LGBT cause, but it doesn't define her.



But here's the amazing thing that happened to Ellen. At first, her big announcement seemed to derail her career. She disappeared for awhile, and almost gave up on show biz because she was "mired in depression." After some dark days, which a lot of newly out people experience, Ellen ultimately was rewarded for being her true self. Today, because of her talk show, she's arguably one of the most beloved stars on the planet, adored by millions gay and straight (except for a handful of moms who shop at JCPenney, but c'mon, they're dumb).



It's interesting that Jodie announced she's gay (and single -- I will not expect an invitation for a date) and at the same time, announced she's leaving showbiz. Doesn't that make her coming out moot? She's simply going back into hiding in another closet called "retirement." Think of all the amazing projects she could do now that she's free and unguarded! And that doesn't mean she has to star in Personal Best 2 (forgive me, I'm using references Jodie and my generation of lezzie would understand). It means the world is her oyster, finally, and that's when artists often do their best work.



Obviously, there's more to this story behind the scenes than I will ever know about. Like why in the world she's so close to an inarguable homophobe like Mel Gibson. And the real reason it took her so long to come to this decision because, certainly, it wasn't only about "privacy." Any shrink would agree with that, right? Also, what is the real reason she's retiring? Was it a pre-emptive strike just in case she's ostracized or exiled from Hollywood?



A lot of people will criticize this and write angry hateful comments, saying it's up to her when and where to come out. And they're absolutely right. But it still doesn't mean she wasn't a coward. And it doesn't change the fact that she could have helped millions of people by coming out years ago.



But screw me and my opinions anyway. Jodie will most likely be hailed for finally coming out and now she will help people, whether she intended to or not. The sad thing is, she'll quickly realize how loved and supported she's always been and how she wasted too many years hiding.



Here's my prediction: in a few years, after she's worked through some self-loathing and fear, she'll be back on the big screen in a big way. And back on the stage at the Hilton collecting an armful of Golden Globes.